what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
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