if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
