I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
