matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
