gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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