I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
