haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
