I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Found your dick twin last night
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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