history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
