He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
