White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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