My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize