Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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