Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
