Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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