best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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