You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
