I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
