i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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