i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
