He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
