He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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