That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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