I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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