Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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