she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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