Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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