yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
No subtext here. People are naked.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
