where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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