Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
