I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
