I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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