and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize