You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
