This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
