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Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
