I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
