Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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