You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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