I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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