That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
