Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
