Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
