Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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