if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
