he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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