Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You made out with two different species that night
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
