I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
