he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
