the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
