i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
