so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
