i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize