Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
