Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He? As in you personified your dick?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
