Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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