whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
