so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
