and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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