stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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