Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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