I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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