Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
