Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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