im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
