Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
