Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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