her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
