this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
